I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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