booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You took a bar mat shot.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
