Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
