I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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