Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
