the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
