You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
