Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
