My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
