I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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