You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
