I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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