Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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