I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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