I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
