He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
