It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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