turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
