he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You smell like stripper and shame
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
