this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My life is pants optional.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
