I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i think i just lost a toe
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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