shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
