I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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