and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
