it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
