all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
