AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All I want is dick and wine.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
