if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
