hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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