It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
