Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
