The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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