this beer tastes like vomit already
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
