I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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