I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
