talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
