Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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