Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
