tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
