Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
