when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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