Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
