I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
