You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
