I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Terrible idea I love it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
