I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
