whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
