Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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