I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
