omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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