so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
